Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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