Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
