so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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