Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We have so much sex to catch up on
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
