Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
