Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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