Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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