Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
