I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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