If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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