I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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