Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
People in love make me want to vomit
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Randomize
