Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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