yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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