Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
