When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
