i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
