Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
