Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
