So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
