So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
