Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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