sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
