the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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