We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
