When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
