u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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