Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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