We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
