got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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