All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
