I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
