I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
