i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
