Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
