Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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