I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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