Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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