oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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