Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
