piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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