you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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