I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
