were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
