Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
