the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
