I'm gonna have a badass scar
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
