where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
