While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
