Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
